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Why is it important to effectively communicate with your family and friends?
The experience of cancer or any life-threatening illness affects the entire family, as well as friends and co-workers. Even though your family is coping with cancer, friends, co-workers and family go through the treatments as well. Spouses or partners can sympathetically suffer the same nausea or pain. Children and parents face uncertainty and fear, and co-workers and friends have to deal with crises and interrupted schedules. Ask for help-everyone needs support. The system does not always crumble; but if it does, reinforce it or augment it.

How can I effectively talk to my family and friends?
Call your friends, family, and anyone else who supports you. There are no disadvantages to having support in place, in case you need it. Asking for help is a sign of strength and taking control. If asking for help is difficult for you, practice saying the words in front of the mirror. This is a very valuable technique for those who do public speaking.

What are some effective communication strategies?
Here are some tips others have found helpful when trying to communicate with others:

  • Use "I" statements, such as "I feel angry when…" or "I feel frustrated because…" or "I feel sad because…".
  • Clarify statements with each other "Correct me if I heard you wrong, but I heard you say…".
  • Avoid using "You" statements, such as "You always…" or "You never…".
  • Schedule time every day to talk to each other without interruptions. Turn off the ringer on your phone, turn off the television, don’t answer your doorbell.
  • Try to avoid serious discussion during evening hours. This is when people are most likely to be tired and messages are apt to be poorly communicated.
  • If you think your message was not received correctly, re-state your message and explain its meaning.
  • Express your feelings, try to communicate openly.
  • Know what you want from people, set priorities before asking for help. Make a list.
  • Here are some suggestions on what you could ask for:
  • Please help me with my shopping.
  • I need a hug.
  • I would like you to help my family by inviting them out and taking them places. I may be sick, but they are suffering too.
  • I’d love it if you’d water my flowers!
  • Please pray for me and share your faith with me.
  • Talk to me about the future; hope is important to me.
  • I would love a call when you have a minute to just talk.
  • I enjoy getting mail or email.
  • Call me.
  • Could you help me with chores? I still have dirty dishes, clothes and a house that needs cleaning.
  • Bring a positive attitude, it’s catching.
  • Please help me feel good about myself.
  • Can you take my children or me somewhere? Be specific.
  • I might need transportation to treatment, to my doctor’s office, or the store.
  • Offer to walk or feed my pet.
  • I’d like you to just listen to me.
  • Appoint one of your friends or family to organize everyone else. You may not have to identify needs-they may do it for you.
  • If you need information about a medical problem, ask someone else to do the computer or literature search and sort out what is good.
  • Make me laugh, tell me jokes, read me funny stories. Cancer has not taken away my sense of humor.
  • Talk to me about my concerns for dying and how the cancer has changed me, without thinking I have a negative attitude.
What can family members and friends do to help me communicate more effectively?
  • Ask family members and friends to encourage you to tell them what you need.
  • Ask family members and friends to tell you when they think you are not being clear in telling them what you need.
How can I talk with my family about communicating more effectively?
  • Be open and honest with your family members and friends about how you feel.
  • Ask your family what they think is causing the breakdown in communication, or what may help communicate more effectively.
When should I ask for Help?
It’s never too early to ask for help from a variety of sources. Ask in advance of needing the help, if you can. This gives your family and friends time to plan too.

Have friends and family assist you with:

  • Doctor Appointments.
  • Babysitting, or taking kids to activities.
  • Share a list "how family and friends can help" and see if they can come up with their own ideas.
  • Spiritual help-prayers, meditation, rituals, scripture reading, getting to church or communion.
  • Emotional help-sharing, crying, laughing.
  • Practical help-chores, transportation, getting information.
  • Errands.
  • Sitting or staying with patient for an hour.
Where can I get more information?
  • If communication is difficult, seek the assistance of a licensed counselor, therapist or clergy.
  • Call the National Coalition for Cancer Survivors at: 1-888-YES-NCCS or see cancer survival toolbox on the internet at: http://www.canceradvocacy.org. Click on Toolbox.
  • Call the American Cancer Society at: 1-800-ACS-2345 or visit on the internet at: http://www.cancer.org. Click on Information for Patients.
  • Visit the Family Care Research Program on the internet at: http://www.cancercare.msu.edu.
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